Life is just fine. And by that I mean, I have a swell husband and a great house. I have plenty of work. Jack is behaving. My social is chugging along nicely. (Almost too nicely. I’m nearly out of pleasantries.) Tom’s business is a little slow at the moment and that’s worrisome but that will pass. It always does. It’s even been raining the past couple of days, which is a very good thing. And the temperature is in the 80s, which is a very very good thing, after weeks and weeks of 100-plus.
So why do I feel all kvetchy and dissatisfied? Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s a change in the barometric pressure. Maybe I’m not happy unless I’m unhappy.
Maybe it’s all the socializing. Socializing does provide me with the opportunity to compare myself with other people and I rarely allow myself to come out the “winner.”
I had a drink yesterday with a friend who is The Dallas Gal in Demand. She has people running after her waving juicy job offers whether she’s looking for a job or not. Envy, envy, envy.
I don’t want a job but I do want jobs to want me.
Hm. Actually, I think that about sums up my attitude towards everything. I don’t want the hassle of writing for the big fancy magazines, but I want them to want me. I don’t want to do a lot of socializing but I want everyone to crave my company. I don’t want a job but I want employers to pursue me. I don’t want to go to parties but I want to be invited.
Wow. How stupid is that? What kind of pep talk could possibly be effective to dispel that kind of stinkin’ thinkin’?
Is admitting the problem the first step in recovery?
Do I feel better just saying it?
(Pause to think.)
Nah.
7 comments:
Here's my two-bit analysis, says the woman who envies Meryl Streep and is pathetic enough to admit it: I know I tend to grouse more when I'm not involved in my work. When my work is going well and I feel engaged -- even when nobody's knocking on my door, begging me for it -- I always feel better. Might be true with you, too.
Work is going well and I'm not particularly engaged. What's that about?
Oh, hell. I hate it when my off-the-cuff analyses fail. Will have to do some real thinking now.
I would have more fun if I had more time for the novel. But that is left until late at night. I think the sun would shine again if I could get that finished and published. I don't wish for much...
As far as being envious about other people there's an old saying, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission"
And I say, "Quit judging yourself by other peoples standards."
OK, I don't think anything has me laugh as much lately as your post starting out with me declining to give you a pep talk.
Thanks for the momentary crack up. Now I'm going to return to my own ongoing blah.
The rest of you: please, no pep talks for me either. Send wine instead.
Post a Comment