on dread

Among my many neuroses about which I "enjoy" ruminating is dread.

For example: I gave a speech about my Yankee Chick book this week to a local newcomers group. I have given dozens of speeches on the topic in the seven years since the book was released and I’m actually pretty good at it.

When I first started promoting the book, I simply decided not to be nervous about speaking in public. Most people under most circumstances, when they come to a program like the ones I give, are there with every intention of having fun. These audiences are mine to lose and seeming awkward and anxious is a good way to lose them. So when I step up to a lectern, I banish all anxiety and have fun through sheer force of will.

Of course, I have had some clunker experiences. There was a reading I did for book club that met in a noisy bar. I had to bellow over the racket and I still don’t think everyone heard me. Nobody had fun that night.

Then there was the time I was invited to speak at a community college. The room was full, which was great, but it was an unnervingly deadpan audience. No matter how hilarious I tried to be, I got blank stares in return. When I finally, finally, finally wrapped it up—the longest 45 minutes in history—I found out that my audience was mostly ESL students who had been required to attend.

Some sort of cruel joke?

So anyway, I suppose I have some reason to be nervous about an approaching speech. But nervous doesn’t do justice to the intense feeling of dread I experience as a speech day approaches.

I usually am booked for these things months in advance. When it’s four months away, Sure! Happy to do it! The closer it gets, the more onerous it seems. By the night before a speech, I feel like I’m preparing to face a firing squad.

Once I’m in front of the audience everything is fine (provided my audience speaks English), but what a lot of energy I waste on dread up until that point.

Today, my dread is about a trip to Arizona next week. It’s going to be a great trip, but it requires waking up early a couple of days. One day, I have to be up, dressed, packed and checked out of the hotel by no later than 6:45 a.m. And my flight home at the end of the week is at the appalling hour of 5 a.m. (Using frequent flier miles is getting harder and harder these days.) This means I’ll have to be out of the hotel at about 4 a.m.

I know, I know. Not a big deal. In fact, it’s a pretty small deal. A miniscule deal. Not really a deal at all. So I wake up early--so what? I rarely oversleep, so I’m not afraid of that. I’m just dreading… what? Feeling tired? Having bad hair? Missing an hour of sleep? I can’t figure it out and yet this dread is palpable and it will increase as those days get closer.

Strange.

***

OK, I know you can’t face your weekend without your Dillard’s fix. And here she is. Twice.



Tom sez: “Ooh, which one is worse?” Good question, although the one in the foreground appears painfully crammed into her confusing outfit so my vote goes there.

Oh, and BTW, I got a call from the National Enquirer this week. They are hot on the trail of the Dr. Phil/Robin story. Evidently, they have evidence that the couple is living separately and they are seeking sources to confirm. We can only hope this big news will knock Joe the Plumber out of the headlines because I, for one, am sick to death of him.

dr. phil ain't nobody

Gosh, a lot of people want to know the latest on Dr. Phil and Robin. Dozens of people are coming to this blog every day as a result of searching for info on the rumored split.

This is puzzling to me. Why does it matter to anyone? I wrote The Making of Dr. Phil because someone hired me to do it. Otherwise, to me Dr. Phil would just be part of the general celebrity cacophony in which we live and which I mostly ignore.

Our obsession with celebrity is loony to me. I don’t get it at all. I started to say “America’s obsession with celebrity” but changed my mind because the incident that shut me down completely on celebrity-watching was the bizarre worldwide freakout over Princess Diana’s death. WTF? I have nothing against her but still don’t understand why the whole world was sobbing and rending their garments over her demise. She was just a woman who got married and divorced. Her end was untimely and sad but I repeat---WTF? After a week of watching that incomprehensible display of inappropriate mourning, I decided to check out of the whole celebrity culture.

When I covered country music, I often was offered backstage passes to meet country stars and usually declined. I didn’t mind interviewing celebrities—especially songwriters—but saw no need to be among the faceless masses to shuffle by them just for the opportunity of shaking a famous hand and maybe getting a photo. So what? To me, that kind of contrived meet ‘n’ greet is unpleasant, even a little humiliating.

I’ve been trying to think of ways to capitalize on all this interest in Dr. Phil but can’t think of anything new to say and don’t really care. It would be great if everyone who is interested bought the book and it actually earned back my advance and paid me some royalties but I have little hope of that. And I’m certainly not interested enough to want to do my own investigation into the state of Dr. Phil’s marriage. If more information comes out on what went awry there, I will contribute my learned opinion but that’s about as far as it goes.

I had my Summer of Dr. Phil when I wrote the book and was glad when it was over. I’ve boxed up the files and put them in storage. Now all that’s left in my office is one of the enlarged book covers the publisher made for me to sit in front of when I did interviews. Ugh. I don’t even like looking at him anymore. I never really did...

dr phil divorce?

A lot of people are coming here because I mention Dr. Phil’s divorce in a previous post, so I guess I’ll do them a favor and tell them everything I know that might be relevant to the speculation.

I don’t know if Dr. Phil and Robin are getting a divorce but I would not be surprised.

My book about Dr. Phil was released in 2004, so a lot has happened since then, but the best prophet of the future is the past. Dr. Phil has alienated a whole lot of people who once were close to him in his life. (Have you heard Oprah mention him recently? Not in years, although Harpo still produces the show.)

Here’s a fun story: When the Dr. Phil Show debuted, after he’d already reached fame on Oprah, my co-author, Lisa Gutierrez, a reporter with the Kansas City Star, wrote a little item about it. A reader called and said, “Did you know he has local ties?” In fact, he’d graduated high school there. So Lisa found a copy of the yearbook from his graduating class and in that, found a photo of Phil dancing at the senior prom with a blonde girl. Like the good reporter she is, Lisa found that girl (by that time a woman, of course) and called her up.

The woman said, “I knew someone would find me someday.”

This was Debbie McCall, Dr. Phil’s first wife, whom he never, ever, ever mentioned—on Oprah, on Larry King, on his own show. Maybe he was closed-mouthed because, she said, he was a shit to her—bringing other women to their apartment, for example.

Their marriage was annulled in 1973. Lisa and I ran out of time on our book deadline before we could find out how they managed an annulment rather than divorce. And unfortunately, after that first interview, Debbie would no longer speak with us, insisting that she would be writing her own book.

In the course of researching the book, I heard one story after another of Dr. Phil using and abusing people. I started the book thinking he was pretty cool and finished thinking otherwise. Very otherwise.

Phil and Robin met a week after she’d graduated high school—Phil may still have been married at that point although they were probably separated. But Robin was young, young, young and Phil had already been married and separated, started a health club business, fleeced a bunch of people out of money and filed for bankruptcy. He’d been around, she was a kid.

Dr. Phil is an ego with legs and it’s possible that as her star has risen, Robin started losing interest in being his little woman. Is she still there in the audience to walk out hand in hand with him at the end of every show? What a beating that must be.

Maybe Robin’s popularity started bothering Phil.

Maybe Phil looks at son Jay’s Playboy model wife and thinks maybe he, too, could find a young hottie instead of his age-appropriate wife.

Maybe they’ve just gone Hollywood and part of the rite of initiation is a divorce.

Maybe none of the above and they just grew apart, as so often happens.

Or maybe, of course, it’s an unfounded rumor and they’re still a happy couple.

But if there’s one Life Lesson Dr. Phil must have learned by now, it's that when you treat people poorly, they might later take pleasure in your pain.

(Click here to read my mediabistro essay about writing The Making of Dr. Phil.)

speaking out on Dr Phil divorce rumors

Because my life is oddly tied up with Dr. Phil's, I'm keeping half an eye on the rumors that his marriage is on the rocks. That's why I popped in on the Globe web discussion of this shocker.

The story itself is not available on the Web site, but I read all the comments, just for the helluvit and oh my .... What's with the spelling? What's with the random capitalizations? What's with the hate? Even I don't hate Dr. Phil that much and I know more about him than most people. No, I don't know if the rumors are true. I wouldn't be surprised. (Reason No. 4.) I don't keep close tabs on the doc these days. I've moved on. Mostly.

Still, I was equal parts entertained and appalled. For example:

He is a big Hippocrates he writes books about weight loss, but yet he is over weight, he talks about divorce and yet he is getting on. Practice what you preach please!

Did you mean a big Hippopotamus?

I always saw thru him and Oprah, both phonies!!Once a loser always a loser! This goes to show you that Psychology is NOT such an exact science after all! Its better to have some common sense than know psychology, because psychology does not always work, all it does is lead many innocent people into taking drugs and their life when they get messed up by following the advcie of them. These so called Perfectionist are nto so eprfect afetr all!! Man I love it when I see such Fools fall off their high horses! May theya ll fall down! What I ahet it that they got so amny lives emssed up before they mesed up their own lives. Why couldnt they mess up their own lives first? Many end up in a worst state than they were before they went to see "shrinks" May G*D judge all these fools that rely on man for such advice!!!

Wow, this guy is so worked up about Psychology his typing fingers went apeshit.

Who cares if they get a divorce ~ Robin thinks she is perfect, well guess what? you are NOT

Who cares, they are all Hollywood loosers anyway!!!!

Take my wife Dr. Phil, she loves you!

alot of the people i know and spoke to always though he was a fake

Experts on the subject, no doubt.

Dr. Phil is just a guy trying to make as much money as he can. If this is true it will be great for him. He can pay off Robin and still be rich. He can now marry a hot younger which he will be much more happy with and attracted to. This is great for him, it is what all men wish they could do if they just had the money or the courage.

OK, guys, 'fess up. Is that true?

honestly , doctor phil deserves a better wife!

Who cares!!! He's a fraud! What has Dr. Phil ever said that was more than common sence? Nothing! He's a jerk on the show, so he's probly a jerk to his wife. It's no Shock to me

I need some advice on male pattern baldness. Can you help me Dr Phil?

Not suprised!!! He who giveth advice shall some day seek adavice!!!

Did you mean Ativan?

Guess no marriage is safe, god only knows the situation of that marriage, you never know what happens between close doors of a couple.

Anyway I lost respective on Dr. Phil when he bailed that girl out of jail, he actually just wants more viewers guess hes loosing hes touch anyway by him doing that he lost mine and many others......I have no intention of watching hes show any longer he uses other people tragedy for hes own wealth that to me is not a human that cares to help others just hes pocket laughing to the bank.

Good!!! I hope his wife takes him to the cleaners!!! I can't stand him sitting up there like is the almighty!! Good for you Robin.........Call me!! :)

Dr.Phil is a very good man-and his wife is a very stupid woman.No offence...

None taken, I'm sure.

wel, people i really do think there marrige is in trouble cause they seem to have such a perfect marrige an i think its all fony act for tv an i think robin loks a lil retarded or something is wrong with her she is a strange lady wearing those big boots there are bigger than her omg robin you need help try an be yourself not a fony

Dr. Phil and Robin are serious goof Balls.

I was absolutely shocked when I heard this, as much as he gets on TV and preaches to people about divorce and what they are doing wrong....Dr. Phil I'm here if u need someone!!!!!!!!!!!

Good, I hope they get divorced.
Robin isn't a good companion.
Phillip needs a better wife.

tuesday stuff

To quote a friend, “not saying ‘I told you so’ is extremely overrated. I think we should be able to say it as often as we like. It's like a polite smack upside the head.”

So when I saw The Dallas Morning News quoted this LA Times online feature about the yuckiness that is Dr. Phil, I felt free to holler “I told you so” at my morning paper.

I’m pleased the LA Times mentions our book, however I did write to the paper pointing out that we did not say Dr. Phil had an affair with a 19-year-old patient, as alleged in this feature. In fact, we stuck to the official story, that the unethical dual relationship was because Phil hired this young woman to work in his biofeedback lab. Allegations of sexual impropriety were made by the tabloids, quoting unnamed sources.

Here’s a sobering thought—this Wall Street Journal financial columnist says these days, we’re better off investing in food than in investments. He suggests stockpiling non-perishables, since the cost of food is rising so fast. Woe is me, the sky is falling…

But not that fast, according to another WSJ writer, who points out that as much as we whine about poverty, we do all have iPods, DVD players and flat-screen TVs. (Actually, we don’t have a flat-screen TV and our iPods are second generation clunkers, though they work reasonably well.)

I read this WSJ article, The Do-It-Yourself Tax Cut, with interest. Here the writer suggests numerous ways you can save money with lifestyle changes. I got to be both smug and bummed, since Tom and I do most of the things suggested here and still, as Tom likes to say, we can’t afford our modest lifestyle. At least it’s reassuring that the rest of the country is catching up to us. We don’t feel like have-nots anymore. We feel like everybody else.

Apropos to nothing, we gave stinky Jack a bath in the driveway last night. What a crazy ordeal that was. We tranquilized him (it's gotta be done) and muzzled him and he still went apeshit. He didn’t mind the soap and water as much as the brushing (attempts) of his hairy ass. We finally had to give up on the brushing. He smells a lot better but his hair is a mess. World’s most exhausting canine….

And now, I must whine. Inappropriately. Much as I’m enjoying my adventures in blogging, I admit to being a tad discouraged these days. My readership numbers are stagnant. The freewheeling discussions we enjoyed in MySpace don’t happen here. Many of my frequent commenters have fallen silent, even those who complained about MySpace. Sigh. I still enjoy the exercise but it was more fun when I didn’t feel like I was talking to three people.

The most successful blogs in the blogosphere focus on one topic and I’m considering that—although I haven’t yet decided what that topic should be. Writing? Jack? Money or lack thereof?

flotsam friday

Just a soupcon of flotsam today…

This is NOT FUNNY.

Everybody cast your votes! (Thanks, Mary. And no, it has nothing to do with Hillary/Obama. We're all exhausted ...)

Have you finished your Passover gift shopping yet? If not, MsKrit alerts us to these very special items.

Today’s newspaper was chock full of dreary, terrifying news about the economy and believe me, we’re feeling it. How are we going to pay for the electric fence we are having installed at this very moment? We have no idea. Things are a little tense around the house this morning and Jack doesn’t even know yet how his world is about to rocked. All he knows is that there are strange men in the backyard and he’s stuck in the house.

But I digress. I mention the newspaper mostly to show you this photo, the most entertaining thing in today’s paper. What’s the deal with the hoochie mama topiaries? Dallas is SO conflicted about sex….

And finally, huzzah! Not only is Dr. Phil finally, really tumbling from grace, but this MSN reaming actually mentions our book! Now, everybody run out and buy a copy!

OK, let’s get out there an EARN SOME MONEY! Jack-y needs a new pair of shoes. (Or something. He always needs something. A bath, for example.)